I cried...

I kissed my little Kindergartener this morning and said "good-bye" to my baby girl.

To say she was ready is an understatement.  She belonged in Kindergarten last year, darn that early cut off!  But I'm thankful I got one more year with her.  My best girl.  It has been a blast seeing her develop into a such a sweet fun girl.  As sad as I am to send her off to school, I am excited for her and all the adventures she will get to have.

It all started yesterday...
Her brother started 3rd grade on Wednesday.  How sad am I about that? Very!  He wanted a longer summer.  He dreaded going back to school.  His teacher last year was...well..to put it as nicely as possible...a terrible fit for him.  He did not enjoy second grade.  He was turned off to school.  I was hoping he would get a good teacher this year and I think he did.  In fact, when we met him a few weeks ago, he and I started feeling a lot better about starting 3rd grade.  We had hopes for a brighter year.

Nevertheless, he wasn't too excited.  It was that mixed feeling that puts your stomach in knots.  Anxious/nervous/excited -you know the feeling.

We walked him in to school, he wanted me to (I did an inside happy dance), we explored his classroom.  He's upstairs this year, feeling like a big kid!  His class has nearly every girl that has had a crush on him the past 3 years...great! (Eye roll)  

His teacher explained a few things and as we started to leave, he hugged and kissed me goodbye (another happy dance!)

Thought you might enjoy these shots of him and his teacher standing the same way :)

He came home talking my ear off!  He had a great first day and is very excited about this year!  YES!  I'm so happy for him.  I hope he continues to have a successful school year!

So back to my story... 
Kennakat, Emmy and I were left and we headed back downstairs.  We came to a fork in the hall and I said "Hey! Do you want me to show you how to get to your class?"  "sure!" she says.  "Ok, first you'll come down this hallway, and turn here..." At that point my voice was getting very high pitched, I got choked up and swallowed back the tears.  I stopped speaking for a moment, she looked at me and I said "let's just walk"  We got outside her class and there was her hook on the wall with her name in a butterfly.  A tear slid down my cheek and I said it was time to go.  
So we left.  

I left dreading tomorrow and she left eagerly anticipating it. 


The next day...

She woke up to her alarm clock, very excited about that, and we started our day.

As we made our way into the school, I had a very sullen look on my face.  I knew that if I could just make it to her class and say good-bye, I'd be fine.  That was what I repeated to myself anyways.  We were almost to her door and we passed a mom we knew.  She's very chatty.  I couldn't do chatty just then.  KennaKat walked on to her backpack hook without me.  Eventually I stopped the mom and said "I can't do this right now.  I'm trying to keep it together."  she laughed and I ran to catch up with Kenna.

My eyes were watery.  We walked into class.  I mumbled some sort of greeting to the teacher.  I could sense the slightest nervousness and hesitation in KennaKat as the teacher invited her to answer the question of the day.  I nudged her.  That was all she needed.  She then became a Kindergartner.  Off she went..I followed.  She sat at a table to play with a puzzle.

I watched.  The teacher smiled at me and I could read her thoughts through her teeth ("time to go mom!").  

I told KennaKat I was leaving. (An open invitation for last good byes, now or never, here I go...)  

She looked at me, wrapped her excited arms around me, said "I love you Mommy!" and that was it.  10 gallons of warm salty tears welled up in my eyes, I couldn't blink.  I smiled back.  I couldnt speak.  I kissed her, unwrapped her arms, nudged past all the other nostalgic parents and was in the safety of the hallway.  ("I just have to make it outside.  Don't blink until you get outside" I said to myself as I rushed through the halls.)

By the time I made it outside tears were slowly dripping in a single stream down my cheek. ( "I made it outside!" I thought to myself, I'm free to sob like a blubbering idiot!)  Then the principal turned around to greet me.  (nooo!  why do people have to be so friendly?!" I thought to myself)  I half waved, half smiled, turned and speed walked to my car.  I sobbed on the sidewalk.  Quickly ran past parents.  Tears gushing down my cheeks.  I boo hoo'd loudly as I rushed to my car.  Why did I park so far away?!   With Emmy on my hip, she looked at me concerned.  I quickly buckled her in, jumped in the car and left.  The tears stopped.  My eyes dried up.  Why did they pick now to stop?  I had this aching hole in my heart and there were no tears.  I made it a mile or 2 down the road, stopped at a light and they were back!  I sobbed until I made it to starbucks.  Today was a day I needed to treat myself.  I picked up my drink with a red teary face.  There was no sign of my sad attempt to apply make-up earlier in the day.  I was a mess.

Emmy and I spent the morning quietly.  I did laundry.  I showered.  Composed myself and checked the clock a few times to make sure I wasn't late picking her up at 11:30.  I made it to the school early.  Rushed in.  Entered her class and she jumped up to hug me!  She had had a great day and was excited to see me.  This made me happy.

Finished her first day of school!

We treated ourselves to lunch at chickfilet and she told me about her day.  

I am better now.  But it was tough.  I'm thankful I have Emmy at home.  Otherwise I'd be saying tearing eyed to my husband "I need another baby!"  He would look at me like I was crazy.  And eventually I'd get over it.  But thankfully I do have another baby, and I'm looking forward to the alone time that we get to share for the next 5 years!

Tonight she is assisting me in my talk on the ministry school.  She and I are a little nervous.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

I might actually have a full conversation with someone...